I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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