Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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