Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
