Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
