Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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