he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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