I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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