Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
