Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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