Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
