I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize