Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
