Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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