the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's never too late to be topless.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
