I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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