I'm gonna have a badass scar
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
