porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
