he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
