This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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