I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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