Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize