Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
