I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
