If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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