He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
