Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
