I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize