I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
