the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
