I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
