Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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