Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
