im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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