I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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