Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
