Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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