I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
