In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
