Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
