I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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