I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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