it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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