I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
