And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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