I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
