i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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