Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
