Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
