She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
