Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize