Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
