I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize