my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
