And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
