Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
