either way he was missing a nipple.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
