I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
