I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
