oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
