Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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