Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
do nipples grow back?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
