i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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