I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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