Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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