Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize