You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
