i was born a porn star she said
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
