Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My pussy is not your playground.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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