I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
