I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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