i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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