How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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