What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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