I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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