Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
