I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
