recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize