I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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