omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
