i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
