So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
