I want you more than these girls want KFC
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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