i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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