they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
