My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize