I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
pop tarts are not kleenex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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