she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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