Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
