I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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