2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
