if you like me you must not know who I am
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
